I don’t do well with solitude. I am not an introvert. I excel at talking to people about anything (or maybe even to rocks, and walls, and dogs, and anything else that will listen).
I keep myself busy. Full-time work, full-time Mommy, full-time wife, full-time seminary student, full-time ordination seeker. I balance so many things that sometimes I wonder how I find the time and space to get it all done. I juggle it all and oftentimes leave myself out of the mix.
People around me often ask, “How do you do it?” In which, I answer ... "I don’t know"
But, really. I do know the answer.
And it’s always been Grace. Even when I back my car into my own mailbox and am forced to stay home from work … it’s grace letting me spend a extra day with the little boy I love. Even when I’ve felt like my husband and I couldn't afford to go out for our anniversary, it’s Grace in a giftcard from a friend. Even when I don’t think I need time for me, when I don’t want to disconnect from all the things I love to do, it’s Grace that brought me to a dear mentor’s beach house to finish writing my ordination paperwork.
Sarah Bessey asked over on her blog, “What’s Saving Your Life Right Now?” And for days, I couldn’t come up with an answer. But, the answer is and always has been grace. The waves are crashing on the shore and I’ve got nothing but this night to write until my hearts content. To pour out who I really am to those who want to know how and why I’m called to follow God into the homes of the least of these. My deadline is next week, so there's no rush, it’s a slow time for me. It’s the space that I had been craving for me, but didn’t realize I needed. Sure, I could have gotten it all done without this generous gift. But God’s grace doesn’t work like that … grace shows up where you least expect it.
I’ll return to my family tomorrow. Hopefully with all my paperwork finished, but more importantly I’ll be ready to do it all again. To give the million facets of my life all of me until I’m worn out again and God, in his wisdom, provides again a time and place for me to sit. Quiet. Restful. Full of Grace.
What is saving my life … right now?