"I'm looking through you, where did you go I thought I knew you, what did I know You don't look different, but you have changed I'm looking through you, you're not the same" -- I'm Looking Through You, The Beatles
Well, this was a pretty good week for the challenge! As you can see by the graphic I lost 2.4 pounds this week, and that is with going to North Carolina for a Labor Day weekend trip to see friends.
I have to say I'm really proud of myself. I managed to also get my three runs in and so I'm on track for training for the 1/2 Marathon.
For this post I decided to use the lyrics from "I'm Looking Through You" because I really do feel like this time, I've really changed. I actually feel GOOD about trying to lose weight and exercising. It just seems that my mindset has totally changed and now I'm in a place where I know that I can am going to pull this off and lose for good! So, to motivate myself even further, I found a t-shirt that Martin's dad picked up for me in Hawaii right before I had Jude. By the time I got it, I was way to pregnant to even try it on! Then it didn't fit for a while after that! However, it fits now, even if it's a bit tight, and I've asked Martin to take my photo each week after my run to post here with me wearing it. It's just another graphic representation of letting you look through me and see that I have changed! Thanks for taking the journey with me!
It's a new year and most people spend this time reflecting on their past year and trying to decide what they are going to do better or differently in the new year. Most folks call this their "New Year's Resolution." They RESOLVE that they will make a change, that from that moment on they will lose weight, or exercise more, or stop smoking ... they make a statement. I don't believe in Resolutions. I think they are a lot of talk and no action. I can sit on my comfy couch and announce to the world that I will be thin, healthy, and athletic, but until I get up and DO something, I am just blowing hot air.
That's why this year I have instituted what I am calling my "New Year's Initiative."An initiative is a little different from a resolution because it requires more than just the first step, it is more than just making a statement or decision, it involves the second step ... actual follow-through.So, instead of resolving to do something, I've gone ahead and just did it.
In a little over 20 weeks (give or take) our baby will be here. It will be new and different and exciting ... but it will also be scary. The baby will demand more time of me than I have to offer, and I will have to oblige, because the baby comes first. So, this year I am taking steps to be more efficient, by carving out my time very carefully. I love my job, but when the choice comes between working or going home to be with my husband, I will choose home. I realize that I will not always have a choice, sometimes work can be like that, but on the days when I make the decision to stay or go ... I go. This applies to school too. I am not taking any courses that aren't required of me, even though I want to take the Technology and Ministry course because I know it will be super easy and it will pad my GPA (I have to make a blog as my final project ... um, yeah). I will not sign up for it, because that's wasted time away from my family. So what if I won't have an amazing GPA when I graduate, I'll have a pretty decent one (still Cum Laude I hope) and would have spent more time with my husband perfecting our marriage, which seems a little more important to me than the sticker on my degree.
Finally, I'm doing more things for me. I will visit the library once a week (and have been) and check out at least two or three cheesy quick read novels or intense nonfiction book to read. I can usually get through one of those in a night or two, and it's important for me to read. I love to read, and I deserve to read more than just my homework books. Carving time out for me will make me a better wife and mother, and I need to do a good job of teaching myself that now. I will not work myself into the ground and then come home and try to be superwoman. If there is anything that being pregnant has taught me it's that I can't "do it all." What's surprising is that I'm okay with that. I know there are plenty of feminists out there shaking their fist and declaring me a traitor for that statement, but really what woman do you know who truly does it all? I still plan to work full-time, I still plan to be a mother to my child, I still plan to be ordained and become a "woman preacher." I think I'm okay with the feminist movement here, but what I'm saying is that I have a choice of where I set my boundaries, and at the end of the day my choice will always be with my family. My husband, my child, my health, comes before anything else on my agenda, and that will be my focus for not only 2010, but for the rest of my life.
I am not ashamed to say that I have stepped back and evaluated and have decided that my needs and my family's needs come before everything else. It's a growth process, and I had to learn how much I could give, before I could learn how much I could take back. So, that's my initiative, to evaluate each circumstance and ask myself, "who benefits from this decision, and what are the pros/cons of making this choice?"
I hope that each one of you will have a prosperous new year and will also take a look at your own lives. What can you cut back, move around, make better so that you can give your time and energy to whatever it is that makes you the most happy?
Upcoming Blogs:
Will Baby Downey give us a peep show? Find out on 1/18/09!
The Love Dare — Martin and I received it as a gift. I have my opinions on it already but I'm trying to give it a fair shake for the sake of the great friend who got it for us!
I've been on the wagon now for two weeks. That's right, I'm in a 12-step program ... for food. I'm back on Weight Watchers again after a short break from the "dieting" scene. Back in June, I decided that I wasn't going to worry too much about my weight. I figured, hey, I'm going to be pregnant soon, so no need to be watching my weight. I thought that I could just blame any weight gain on my baby bump, and not my eating habits.
Guess what happens when you take on this mindset and don't get pregnant? You gain 15 pounds. That's right, 15. I already weighed more than I would like, but I didn't figure I would gain that much, especially since I was going to be all fat and pregnant. Well, thanks to my overactive cycle and under-active metabolism I am neither pregnant nor skinny. I am now 45 pounds overweight.
So, once I realized that this baby thing wasn't going to go the way I wanted, I decided I better at least get these extra 15 pounds off before 200 starts staring at me from the scale. So, I've changed my habits yet again. I am dedicated to exercising at least 20 minutes a day for five days a week, eating within my weight watchers points, and taking care of myself by writing, reading, and relaxing in my down-time. All of this can tend to be a bit difficult with a busy work schedule, but I'm at the point where I'm over it. And that's usually the point where I become the most successful.
It's interesting that other things in my life seem to go so well for me. Career wise I'm right where I want to be (tomorrow marks one year at my AMAZING job, and it came with a new title and promotion, Deputy Director), I enjoy freelance writing for the Florida UMC conference, and ordination is moving at a steady pace. Marriage wise I couldn't be more blessed. My husband is caring, supportive, and loving, I'm lucky to have him. But, with all the good things, I just can't seem to get "healthy" with myself. I find that the weekends are my worst enemy. All week I count points and do really well, but when Friday night gets here, I loose the obsession and eat whatever I like. This attitude continues on Saturday and by Sunday I am disgusted with myself. Lucky for me I didn't give up last week when I fell in the weekend trap (I lost 3 lbs) and I was able to get back on track this week (weigh day is tomorrow). But, I would do so much better on my weight loss and exercise if I wouldn't let Friday and Saturday get in my way.
So, my goal this week is to be READY for Friday. I will write down everything I put into my body over the weekend, I know I can do this because I do it all week. I will continue my morning prayer and Bible time, I will continue exercising and I hope to do a practice 10k this weekend.
I'm back on the wagon ... let's hope I don't fall of. If I do, just go ahead and let it run over me please.
My Poor Puppy We had a pretty scary weekend at the Downey household. As most of you know we got Sawyer about a year ago, Mom got him for us for Christmas. Since we don't have kids yet, Sawyer gets a lot of our attention and most of the time he is a pretty good dog (he has a few issues, eating toilet tissue, nipping our legs when he wants to play). So, we knew something was up with him when he got up on Saturday morning and didn't want to play. At about 4 a.m. Saturday morning he asked to go outside, I didn't think much about it, sometimes he gets up REALLY early, so I didn't pay attention to what was going on while he was doing his business. By 7 a.m. he was still laying around the house and not wanting to play at all. That's when he started throwing up. We called the vet around 11 a.m. because he was having issues from both ends, and we really didn't know what to do with him. They said to keep an eye on him and take him to the emergency vet if he got worse ... he got worse. We took him into the emergency vet and they taught us a very important lesson. Since Sawyer wasn't eating or drinking, we thought, just like a child, that he was getting dehydrated, so we encouraged him to suck on some ice chips. This was the wrong thing to do, apparently dogs make themselves throw up even more if they get more liquid in their bodies, so we were only making to problem worse. The vet inserted a disolvable IV pouch in Sawyer's back and gave him two shots and sent us home with some pills to stop the vommitting and coat his stomach. We stayed home with him all day Sunday to make sure he was doing better, and he had a few issues, but I could tell he was getting better. He seems fine today, we are supposed to keep giving him his medicine and feeding him small meals, but he was wanting to play this morning, so that's a really good sign.The whole ordeal really made me think about how important Sawyer has become to Martin and I. Sawyer has made us a little family. He is fun, sweet, and makes us laugh at least three times a day. I wanted a small dog because they live longer, and I wanted to make sure that he was going to be around for the long haul. Those of you who don't have a family pet may not understand, I wouldn't go as far as seeing Sawyer like a child, but he is this small little being that relies on us to take care of him. Sawyer needs us to feed him, make sure he has water, take him out to potty, and provide a warm place for him to rest. When he was sick, I felt like how I would imagine a newborn's mother would have felt ... he can't talk to me, he can't tell me what's wrong, all I know is that something IS wrong and he's relying on me to make it all better. Martin made the comment at the vet that we better make sure to get a dang good insurance plan for our kids when we have them, because if this is how we are going to be with the dog, then imagine how it's going to be with a baby. I don't worry too much about that though, I've been around babies, I am pretty good at figuring out what they need ... dogs on the other hand I'm still learning!
In other news Martin and I have been going strong on Weight Watchers. I'm really proud of us. Ususally on a diet we make it about three weeks and then give up. So ... we just passed the three week mark. Pray for us that we can keep this going, I had a moment of weakness this week and wanted nachos like the world had ended! I looked up my favorite nachos and found out that they are 107 WW points. Those of you who do WW know that's almost a full week of points in one meal! Last night I made my own version of nachos for a mere 14 points ... and amazingly it filled the spot (thanks to Cara for forcing me to rethink my options and dragging ME to the gym! ;)! Keep us in your thoughts as we continue this journey. I would like to be at our goal weight by June when we go to Las Vegas. We've been thinking a lot about the right time to have kids, and I want to make sure I am healthy when that happens. I've been wavering lately about when that might be. I have had a pretty strong case of baby fever (thanks in part to Cara and Stephanie being so cute and pregnant at the office) but the last few weeks I've noticed that wain a little. I know things will be great when we have kids, but lately I've been thinking about a lot of things that I would still like to do with Martin before we change our life! We'll see how I feel after those cute little boys are born at the office and I see how sweet a baby is again, but right now, I think I'll stick to being a mama to a sweet little boy named Sawyer Pup!
