Something (On Eight Years of Marriage)

You're asking me will my love grow . I don't know, I don't know. You stick around now it may show. I don't know, I don't know – The Beatles

Dear Love,

Eight years ago I walked down the aisle and joined my hand with yours. We knelt at the altar separate and raised together as one.

That first year was easy, wasn’t it? Everyone told us that it would be hard, that we would fight, trying to figure out who we were in the union of two becoming one … but it wasn’t like that for us, was it?

We played at house, going to grad school, hanging out until the wee hours of the night. In that little apartment on Walnut Street (Stomping on wedding dresses because the closets were too small). Making stupid financial decision, together, going to the Bahamas on$5 and a dream. Eating French fries and drinking coke at the hotel bar because we couldn’t afford anything else … discovering Dominoes delivered the 3 for 15 deal and eating a slice a day until the boat trip back to Florida …

Oh, and Florida. It was in our bones, wasn’t it dear? From you saying at six years old that you wanted to live at Disney World, to us deciding to spend a week there for our graduation present. To the call that came that gave us a week to move to our new home, 1000 miles from our families. 

At first, we missed Arkansas. The town that had sheltered you and I through grade school to high school. The traditions of visiting the haunted light … walking the railroad tracks together and visiting the “V” seemed so far away. But, we were here, and we were going to make it work. And it still was easy.

The challenges came, though, didn’t they love? In difficult workplaces that tore at my soul and made me lose a little bit of myself. You, telling me not to call it church ,while  they took my dreams, my talents, my call from God and hung it out to dry. You stood by me when I said, even then, even in the hurt, God had ordained me to lead, to preach, to serve the least of these. You carried tables and filmed videos at the homeless shelter while I gave my heart and soul away to the lost and the needy. You embraced me, encouraged me to come back to myself, be who I am, the woman you have loved. I stood tall in your love, and have never looked back.

Then, we became parents. And, that’s when the real struggles came. We weren’t prepared for the new way having a child would make us change and grow as people. We have adored this son of ours, and everyday work to be the best Mom and Dad we can be. But, even in those moments we heard ourselves arguing more, struggling more with work, home, parenting, date-night … the first two years of Jude’s life were what the first year of marriage was SUPPOSED to be like. And that’s okay. Because even in the doubts, the fears, the frustrations we are still us. Like a tree, we stand with our limbs intertwined around each other, as one. Swaying with every storm … we bend in the wind, but we do not break. Because, this love we have, it can’t be broken.

We are in this together. We’ve spent a lifetime already growing together. We can remember our third grade teacher (and how, she is pouring herself out even now for third-world Missions, how did that NOT affect us?) We remember our senior English teacher who is home now with Jesus but how she helped make us who we are. We remember, ten years later, at our High School reunion. We have lived so much of this life together … but life really began when we stood in that little hometown  Church and committed ourselves to God and each other.

Every step since that day, every decision that has been made. It’s been together. No hierarchy needed, just two of God’s children, submitting equally to one another … letting God take the lead and guide us both. And when we brought our son to this world, we invited God back in again … we placed him in Baptism, letting God’s prevenient grace pour over him in water as it continues to pour over us. We've walked the dirt roads of Haiti and slid down trash heaps in Mexico. We've given ourselves to God -- and to each other.

We have a hope and a future, my dear husband. We are two cords, but we wrap ourselves up in another cord … three cords that cannot be easily broken. We are beloved to one another. We are one.

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da -- Happy New Year!

"In a couple of years they have built a home sweet home, With a couple of kids running in the yard, Of Desmond and Molly Jones ... Happy ever after in the market place ... Molly lets the children lend a hand ... Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face ... And in the evening she's a singer with the band ... Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! ... Lala how the life goes on ... Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! ... Lala how the life goes on."

I know I haven't blogged in a while but hopefully this video will recap the past few months! We have had such an amazing year and I am so thankful for all the gifts God has blessed us with in 2010! Here's to an amazing 2011! (I'll try to do better at updating in this next year!)

2010 from Martin Downey on Vimeo.

Little Help From My Friends

Take Good Care of My Baby (or Jude @ 12 weeks)

"Take good care of my baby, be just as kind as you can be!"
-- Take Good Care of My Baby, The Beatles

So, after 12 wonderful weeks home with my baby I went back to work on Monday. Boy! Was that hard! After finishing college and all that good stuff I didn't think I would ever want to be a stay at home Mom, but really I think I could do it. Too bad our budget would never allow that, so I'll just keep plugging away (thankfully I enjoy my job so it's not totally bad!)

I've got a great schedule that seems to be working out, I will get to spend Fridays with Jude so that's pretty amazing. I'm also able to leave for lunch and visit him at the babysitters (which is a GREAT friend of mine who is doing a wonderful job with him). This works out well because I, at least, get to nurse him once during the day so that keeps him and my supply happy. I know that I couldn't be more lucky with this arrangement and I realize that it's a blessing. But to do this I am pulling 10 hour days at work (with the lunch break) which makes me very tired. It also means that I have to be UP at 5 a.m., which I am not that much of a morning person! It also means that Jude has to get up early too, which means he sleeps more at night which is good, but also bad because I'm not getting to spend very much play time with him. I'm hoping that having the Fridays with him will make up for that though.

I am tired though! I hope that my body will get used to this new routine and I will be able to handle it as the weeks go on. But the good news is I have a few vacations coming up so those will be fun to anticipate and look forward to.

Development wise, Jude is doing really really well! He is growing stronger and stronger, he likes tummy time most of the time and is ALREADY trying to get up on his knees, way too soon if you ask me! He also enjoys staring at himself in the mirror, and playing with his Daddy. He busts the biggest smiles now and any day now I know he will be laughing (he's trying really hard!) He also squeals and coos when playing (which you might have seen on the video!) On the breastfeeding front things have been going very well. We have finally gotten all that under control and though I still count it as one of the hardest things I've ever had to figure out how to do, I'm glad that I did! We have a doctor's appointment next week and as always I'm nervous about his weight. But, I know it will be all right!

As for me I've been trying to get some of this pregnancy weight off (and pre-pregnancy weight!) and have been doing Weight Watchers. I love the WW plan because it has a special plan for nursing mothers. I've lost about 5 lbs, not too shabby but I need to get off much much more!

On the picture front there are some July photos here, but nothing too recent. I'll get on taking some more photos in the next few weeks and posting. Also our friend Rose is going to do family photos for us soon, so I'm REALLY looking forward to that!

My Little Sleeping Angel!

One of our first smiles (July 27, 2010)

In his fourth of July gear!

Jude LOVES his playgym!

He also loves playing "patty-cake" with Daddy

And looking at himself in mirrors! :)

Another playgym, I love to watch him stare down the rocket and then hit it!

My pretty blue-eyed boy!

20 Weeks + 4 Days (Halfway there and OAMC)

So, we've made it to middle ground on this baby thing! It's hard to believe that I am halfway through this pregnancy and in just 20 more weeks Baby Downey will be here. According to the latest reports the baby is about the size of a Cantaloupe, which is actually pretty darn big. I have been feeling "Juicy" (Martin's nickname for Lucy/Jude until we know the sex) move around quite a bit, but it's still not hard enough that anyone else can feel it from the outside. Though I think the dog may can hear the baby because he will sit his little head on my belly and then I'll feel the baby move and Sawyer will look up at me with this little confused face ... like "What the crap was that?" It's super cute. I appreciate that Sawyer has taken to sleeping more. It works out well with me because I get home from work and need a nap and he's more than happy to snuggle up with me, maybe it's the colder weather we've had lately, but he's not doing his crazy hyper thing, and I'm relieved because I think I would be way too tired to pull that off right now.

Last Sunday my friend Jenny and I started our plan to do "Once a Month Cooking." We found a great website, Once a Month Mom, where she gives you a set menu, instructions, and plan for each month. The website suggested that we would need to set aside 8-12 hours to cook a months worth of meals (15 recipes all together for breakfast, lunch and dinner). Obviously this is not 30 meals, but you take in account left-overs, eating out, and dinner with friends, and you come up with needing about half the months menus already prepared. Jenny got to the house around 1 p.m. on Sunday and we sorted out all the ingredients and printed all the instructions (Jenny and I had shopped already, picking up things all week, with Jenny picking up most things and then having me look for hard to find items near me). The instructions split us into person "A" and person "B." Which seemed fine at first until we realized that person "A" had a lot more responsibilities. So, we grabbed Martin and had him do all the chopping and storing which helped a lot. We finished up around 11 p.m. that night! It was craziness! We were on our feet most of the time and washed dishes about a million times, but by the time Jenny left there were 15 meals in my freezer, and my kitchen was clean! The funniest part was when we ordered pizza and the pizza delivery lady asked, "Are you baking cookies or something, your house smells so good." I then had to explain to this girl that I was cooking for the whole month, but didn't feel like cooking dinner for the night, hence the pizza! Jenny and I will probably do this again next month, but I feel like we will do a lot more prep work before we get started. I don't think I could spend 10 hours on my feet again, but am looking forward to making more meals to last the month (just with more breaks)!

So, that's about it for now. There will be an update tomorrow regarding "who" Baby Downey is ... I'm ready to know a bit more about my dear little "Juicy."

Update you all tomorrow!

My New Year's Initiative — 18 Weeks, + 6 days

see more Funny Graphs

It's a new year and most people spend this time reflecting on their past year and trying to decide what they are going to do better or differently in the new year. Most folks call this their "New Year's Resolution." They RESOLVE that they will make a change, that from that moment on they will lose weight, or exercise more, or stop smoking ... they make a statement. I don't believe in Resolutions. I think they are a lot of talk and no action. I can sit on my comfy couch and announce to the world that I will be thin, healthy, and athletic, but until I get up and DO something, I am just blowing hot air.

That's why this year I have instituted what I am calling my "New Year's Initiative." An initiative is a little different from a resolution because it requires more than just the first step, it is more than just making a statement or decision, it involves the second step ... actual follow-through. So, instead of resolving to do something, I've gone ahead and just did it.

In a little over 20 weeks (give or take) our baby will be here. It will be new and different and exciting ... but it will also be scary. The baby will demand more time of me than I have to offer, and I will have to oblige, because the baby comes first. So, this year I am taking steps to be more efficient, by carving out my time very carefully. I love my job, but when the choice comes between working or going home to be with my husband, I will choose home. I realize that I will not always have a choice, sometimes work can be like that, but on the days when I make the decision to stay or go ... I go. This applies to school too. I am not taking any courses that aren't required of me, even though I want to take the Technology and Ministry course because I know it will be super easy and it will pad my GPA (I have to make a blog as my final project ... um, yeah). I will not sign up for it, because that's wasted time away from my family. So what if I won't have an amazing GPA when I graduate, I'll have a pretty decent one (still Cum Laude I hope) and would have spent more time with my husband perfecting our marriage, which seems a little more important to me than the sticker on my degree.

Finally, I'm doing more things for me. I will visit the library once a week (and have been) and check out at least two or three cheesy quick read novels or intense nonfiction book to read. I can usually get through one of those in a night or two, and it's important for me to read. I love to read, and I deserve to read more than just my homework books. Carving time out for me will make me a better wife and mother, and I need to do a good job of teaching myself that now. I will not work myself into the ground and then come home and try to be superwoman. If there is anything that being pregnant has taught me it's that I can't "do it all." What's surprising is that I'm okay with that. I know there are plenty of feminists out there shaking their fist and declaring me a traitor for that statement, but really what woman do you know who truly does it all? I still plan to work full-time, I still plan to be a mother to my child, I still plan to be ordained and become a "woman preacher." I think I'm okay with the feminist movement here, but what I'm saying is that I have a choice of where I set my boundaries, and at the end of the day my choice will always be with my family. My husband, my child, my health, comes before anything else on my agenda, and that will be my focus for not only 2010, but for the rest of my life.

I am not ashamed to say that I have stepped back and evaluated and have decided that my needs and my family's needs come before everything else. It's a growth process, and I had to learn how much I could give, before I could learn how much I could take back. So, that's my initiative, to evaluate each circumstance and ask myself, "who benefits from this decision, and what are the pros/cons of making this choice?"

I hope that each one of you will have a prosperous new year and will also take a look at your own lives. What can you cut back, move around, make better so that you can give your time and energy to whatever it is that makes you the most happy?

Upcoming Blogs:

Will Baby Downey give us a peep show? Find out on 1/18/09!

The Love Dare — Martin and I received it as a gift. I have my opinions on it already but I'm trying to give it a fair shake for the sake of the great friend who got it for us!

13 Weeks, 5 Days -- Optimus Prime Baby

So, I know I've not been the best on updating. I'm trying to at least update from each doctor's appointment to keep everyone updated, but to be honest I didn't want to update the last few weeks because I've just felt *ugh!*

The morning sickness has been overwhelming at times, but I have found the amazing medication Zofran. I know, I know, medication is bad and all that, but I figure that my doctor approves it and it helps me function, so I'm going for it. It makes me feel SO much better. Without it I had a hard time even going into work, going to church, or doing anything except hunching over the nearest john. At least now, it eases the queasiness to the point where I can function as a human being. Thankfully I have been feeling much better and have gotten down to just taking the medication every other day, so that's a relief. My doc (and everyone else) says that I should be getting to more good days than bad in the next few days, so I'm looking forward to that.

Other than the morning (all-day) sickness, I've felt pretty good. A few icky moments, but overall I've been okay. Last Wednesday marked the end of my first trimester and now we are four months into growing this little one. With that came another doctor's appointment and a new ultrasound.

Today's appointment was amazing. I wish that everyone could have been there to see how much Baby Downey likes to move and suck her thumb! When we first put the wand on my tummy Baby was chewing on her little hand and looking up, when we moved the wand around to get a better view she moved her hand so quickly that Martin said it looked like a karate chop! This made me start laughing and that just made her even more excited so she started squirming and moving around with my laughter! It was really great. For the past U/S the baby has really just been a little blob, just a little black dot, now she has features ... little eyes, a nose, hands, a big pot belly (well, she just fits in!). We could not tell the sex of the baby yet and it looks like it will be late January before we find that out! I really enjoyed my appointment today even though they took four vials of blood (yuck!). There are two photos for you this time. One without photoshopped arrows to tell you what's what and one with ... Martin thinks the baby looks like Optimus Prime from Transformers right now! : )

As for names I decided against the poll. We have made a decision and I don't think anyone can change our mind. Our names are: Lucy Delilah and Jude Wesley. Don't tell me if you hate them, don't even make a face. I'd appreciate if you would just lie to me ... Thanks! :)

Nursery theme is getting started. I know some of you have asked about my aversion to Noah's Ark. Well, it simply comes down to Theology for me. When I read about Noah, I don't excactly feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Noah was the ONLY good man on the whole Earth and God was tired of mankind ... so he decided to start over. Why would I want my child to sleep with the animals going onto the boat when the story represents God saying ... "Nope, this didn't work, let's start over." Now, I could go with the animals getting OFF the boat and the rainbow and the promise of a new covenant ... but that just seems too complicated for me. I know, I'm completely neurotic, but really I want my kid to be surrounded by all the goodness of God. So, we've decided on a theme around Van Gogh's Starry Night. The painting because it represents the creativity of God through the stars (and the talent he gave Van Gogh, no doubt!) and the creation of the universe. We are planning to put stars on the ceiling and decorate around the night sky. I'm super excited about this theme and look forward to getting it done. Martin has gotten started on the room by surprising me a few weeks back when I went home for a friend's wedding by painting a wall dark blue, and I love it!

Other than that we had a great time going home for Thanksgiving but it always feels like we don't have enough time. We look forward to getting the house ready for Christmas and having some more time to spend with family over the Christmas holiday. Personally, I'm looking forward to feeling little Lucy or Jude move around in my tummy ... I'll promise to try to be a good writer when that happens and explain it for you all!

Till next time!

Pot of Gold at the End of the Rainbow!

*I want to just put something out there before I go into this blog. Martin and I tried for seven months to get pregnant. During that time I was pretty emotional and weepy when each time I would take a pregnancy test and it would come back negative. Each time I knew I wasn't pregnant AGAIN, I was upset and found it really hard to read/hear stories of other people's baby-making success. I was REALLY happy for them, it was just hard on me because I felt like I was being left out of the baby loop! So, I'm being honest with my readers. If you have been trying and things aren't working out, it's okay with me if you are a little annoyed with me right now. I do want to celebrate, but I don't want to upset anyone. So, I'm acknowledging the feelings that I had, in hopes that, if you are reading this and you feel the deep pit in your stomach sink in a bit more, I want you to know I understand. Also, I'm taking this blog to a new level and it may be too much information for some. I'm not modest (never have been) but I'm just warning folks who may be because I plan to go into the details of being pregnant in the next nine months! So be prepared! : )

I'm Pregnant! (Five Weeks, or 4 Weeks +3 Days)

Wooo Hooo! It's been seven long months of trying, and one dose of Femara (a breast Cancer drug that is also good for PCOS and jump-starting ovulation) and the test read yes! So, now we start the journey of pregnancy. And, I want to at least blog about it once a month so I can journal this important and exciting time. I had a couple of friends who blogged through their pregnancies and they were great, so I hope that my posts can live up to theirs.

The Background Story

So, what's first? I guess the story. I had been charting and watching very closely my cycle for the last few months, and things were not adding up the way the should. So, I called my doctor and got an appointment on Aug. 12. He talked to me for a bit, and at first wanted me to keep trying for a year, but once I showed him my charts and had proof that things were not happening the way they should, he reconsidered. I am forever thankful to Cara for teaching me how to chart, it saved me six months of waiting! So, anyway, we discussed it and he decided that I needed a "jump-start." So, at the beginning of my next cycle I started the Femara. I have to tell you it was tough! I only had to take the pill for five days, but it did make me very emotional and moody. However, after the five days were over I was fine. So, the month progressed and we hoped and prayed that this would be it.

Taking the Test

I first starting testing on day 8 after ovulation, they tell you to wait until 10, but since my cycles had been short, I thought I might get lucky. I didn't. It was negative. Day 10 came and I tested again, and it was negative as well. So, I did what any other normal woman would do. I gave up! However, I didn't feel that great all day of Day 10, and people around me were noticing that I was very short of breath! I also spotted a bit, so I was convinced that I was just going to start soon, and that this round of Femara had not worked. So, Day 11 I woke up and decided, Why not?, I'll take the test again today (since I had stopped spotting) and if it's negative then I'll know I was about to start. Besides, I sort of think it's fun to pee on a stick. I know, I'm crazy, but I think it goes back to when I was in Chemistry and we could dip those little sticks in different liquids to see what color they were and how acidic they were ... I loved to watch them change colors, same principal, I guess it's just weirder because we never stuck those in pee. ANYWAY, so I took the test and then went about my morning. I'm not one for counting down the minutes on the clock. So, I took Sawyer out for his morning walk, I made a little breakfast, I lazed around for a few minutes, and I'm pretty sure at one point I said OUT LOUD, to myself, "There is no way that test is going to be positive." That was right before I walked into the bathroom and saw the word "pregnant" on the screen.

Telling Martin

I did a horrible job of telling Martin. I always had dreams of thinking of something creative and cute. Maybe I'd write some long love-letter about how we had made this precious thing together, or get him a T-shirt that said "World's Greatest Dad." What did I do instead? Run into the other bathroom where he was showering and yell, "I was wrong, I'm pregnant." Which I got in response, "HUH?" Then I proceed to repeat myself, pull yesterday's "Not Pregnant" stick out of the trash and show him the difference between the two (as if just seeing the "pregnant" was not enough, I know CRAZY), while the poor man is still trying to shower. Yeah, I could have done that better. The worst part too, was that he had no time to really digest it because he was getting ready for work and was working on a HUGE project, so in hindsight, I wish I had told him differently, but hey, at least he knows! And, now he is super excited and happy, so it worked out okay in the end. As for everyone else, I, of course, called my Mom and my sisters (Oddly enough, my little sister Becky found out she was pregnant the day before I did, so we have the same approximate due date). I called closest friends and told them the news and then decided later that night to just put it on Facebook so that we could share with everyone. I know it's still early, but I've never been one to live in fear so I'm not too worried about anything happening.

What's next?

So, I've been to the doctor twice. Once for blood work and once for a question and answer session. I really like my doctor and he's very open with me, which I appreciate. We have an ultrasound date for 10/12, which was the earliest possible date we could do one and see the baby. The doctor wants to watch me closely and make sure everything is going smoothly, but he seems to be very confidant that things will be fine. I can already tell a HUGH difference in my body. It's so weird! So far I've had shortness of breath, tender breasts, I need to pee quite a bit, sore back, and I'm hungry about every 4-5 hours. I haven't gotten sick yet, so I'm happy for that. One big thing I've noticed is how my body is already changing quite a bit. One big problem is that I can't "suck" in my gut anymore. It hurts to do so. So, I look like I'm six months pregnant when I'm really just one! I used to make fun of little skinny girls going out and buying maternity clothes so early, but now I understand. Nothing really does fit! I already can't wear my black work slacks because they button above the tummy, and it ain't happening! UGH! It's okay, I don't mind the weight gain (Doc says at least 30 lbs) but I just don't want to have to buy a lot of new clothes! The only other thing that I am worried about it doing a six mile run in a few weeks, well, make that walk. My doctor made me buy a heart monitor and HIGHLY suggested the I walk briskly and not run the race. I hope the short bus doesn't pick me up, this is the last year for 'The Race for the Taste' at Disney World and I REALLY want that medal!

So, that's about it. The best part is the day that we found out we realized was the same day that Martin started his job here in Florida and when we got the house ... so there is something special about September. I guess that why God blessed me with seeing a rainbow on the way home on the day we found out (photo above). It was like a special message just to me that said, "See, I was paying attention, all those rainbows before were a promise, and here is another promise to you!" I have been truly blessed, it was not an easy road to get here, but here's to an easy journey here on out full of fun and happiness for Martin, me, and the future baby Downey!

Looking for Rainbows ... Part II

Today is my birthday. As of 7:45 p.m. (or so) I turned the ripe old age of 27.

When I was 21 I made a list of things I wanted to achieve by the time I was 30. I don't remember all of it (it's in a book that Whitney currently has custody of), but I know there were things in there like lose weight, start a magazine, have a baby and go to Europe.

I'm 27 and have yet to do any of those things, and I still want to. But, there are other things that have gotten in the way, new goals that I have been working on and seeing some good results. I would have never thought at 21 that I was going to be ordained or so passionate about helping those in need in the community. There are things in my life I am VERY proud of, and for that I am know I am blessed. But, with those great things there are disappointments.

I debated if I was going to blog about what I have been going through lately, because it is deeply personal. But, if what I have to say will help someone else feel better then it's worth putting myself out there. One of my goals before I was 30 was/is to have a baby, and it's one that is proving to be a little more difficult than I would have hoped. Martin and I decided back in April that we were ready to start a family, but our timing doesn't seem to be working with my body's timing. It's to the point now where I have made a doctor's appointment to see if everything is "all right." I have some ideas about what is going on, and honestly I blame 10 years of birth control for the problem. But, even when you do have a scapegoat, you still can't help but be upset with yourself, and disappointed. I have several friends who are pregnant right now (and congrats to all of them), and it's really hard trying to figure out why they have seemed to get pregnant so easy, and for me it seems to be more of a challenge. It's frustrating, and I know I am not alone in this. I know there are thousands of women who are going through what I am going through, and really, it's only been four months. It may be that there simply hasn't been enough time, but it's still REALLY hard.

Martin has been amazing in all of this. He loves me, and he has been supportive in everything. Even when I spent a whole day crying this week, even when I seem like I am going crazy. I'm very lucky to have such a loving and understanding husband.

Today I turned 27, and when I walked outside from dinner I saw the widest, brightest rainbow shinning over my world. I have to remember the promise of a few months ago, that God reminded me. God is with me, there is a plan, and I'm part of it. I just have to keep looking for rainbows.

Looking for Rainbows

I woke up a bit early this morning, which hardly ever happens for me. Usually by Sunday I am so tired that I can't even move, yet alone get up by 6 a.m., but this morning when Sawyer (who has since fallen back asleep) woke me up for his usually bathroom/morning meal routine, I didn't feel like going back to bed, so I'm enjoying a little time to myself this morning to relax and reflect.


Updates

I've done really well this week on my being more positive plan. I've set aside time each night for devotional, and have actually stuck to it. Now, it's not more than 20-30 minutes worth of time, but it's amazing how just a few extra minutes each day spent in prayer and reflection seems to get me back centered and at peace. However, it was a pretty rough week for me and I think if I hadn't of planned to have that time, I would have been a lot more stressed. I am liking having a domain name for the blog, but for some reason if you go directly to the link the whole page doesn't load, I'm not sure why, and I'm hoping this will work itself out in the future.


Looking for Rainbows

This week brought a few hard memories for me when I found out that one of my niece's friends had been killed in a car accident. When I was about her age I had a dear friend pass on and the memory broke my heart, and just knowing what she was going through made it even harder to swallow. It's always funny how God speaks right when I need him to. I was driving to work after hearing the news, reflecting on death, life, resurrection, all the things that I believe to my core, and honestly I wasn't thinking, "God why?" but more along the lines of, "Is your promise really possible?," Boy, I've found when you ask a question like that you get an answer you will never believe. As I was thinking and praying about past circumstances and a few current circumstances (especially those involving work), I saw just a glimmer of a rainbow in the distance. Rainbows to me are a clear reminder of God's presence with his people. It was the sign of the covenant that he would always be with us in the OT, and it is a continued sign to me that God keeps all his promises. Honestly, that small sign was all I needed, I was already feeling connected and close, but God apparently thought I needed more reassurance. Immediately after I saw the small rainbow I noticed that I had an e-mail on my phone. A co-worker had taken a photograph at work and he thought I would like it:

As someone on my Facebook said, "What a promise!" What a promise indeed. With an full arched rainbow over the place where I spend most of my time, it was God reminding me of his ways, his plans, and ultimately his promises, for me and for mankind. "As colorful as a rainbow that appears after a storm. I realized I was seeing the brightness of the LORD's glory, " Ezekiel 1:28.

God's glory is constantly around us, and he has promised to never forget us or forsake us. The rainbow says to me, through the trails, through the pain, there can be peace, love, grace. The rainbow is, for me, God's ultimate sign of grace. I am so thankful for all the gifts that God has already poured out over my life, every sweet morning with my husband, every milestone that happens in my career, it is not me who deserves the credit, but God and his ultimate grace!

I look forward to more of God's promises in my future, and I know that by believing with faith like a child I will see the truth of God's promise TODAY.

Seven Tornadoes

So, the blog has gotten a little makeover, and it's going in a new direction. Martin has officially given me permission to use this blog as my own personal creative outlet. I'm sure there will still be plenty of family updates, but that will not be the sole purpose of the blog. I've also registered the domain for this blog, so soon you can visit www.seventornadoes.com, and will get right to my blog (and for you Google Readers out there, take a moment and stop by and see how pretty the page looks!)

But, why the name Seven Tornadoes? It goes back to my high school senior newspaper, and class predictions. I wish I had the actual copy (Whitney, you have it somewhere I'm sure) but the gist of it was that I wasn't going to amount to much of anything ... I think it was probably a joke, and I took it lightly, but as a good friend says, there is truth in every joke. However, I knew myself better than anyone else, and I feel like I have been successful, but life is crazy and there are times when I feel like tornadoes are ripping through! That's what this blog is for, to give you the blow-by-blow!

Seven Tornadoes:
Seven Tornadoes, the amount that my high school classmates predicted to sweep through the trailer park where I was supposedly going to end up with my seven children. What happened instead was I became a major overachiever, live in an actual house, and don't even have kids at the ripe old age of 26. It was all in fun and games, but there was always this underlying idea that I would just get married and settle down in Arkansas. However, I instead am a career woman, happily married to my soulmate and living in Florida. This blog is a collection of my journalist work, my personal musings, religious ramblings, and a little fun and games of my own in-between! My life is a whirlwind, I guess I couldn't keep all the tornadoes away!

Inspired!

So, I haven't been in my "groove" for a while. You might have noticed since there have been fewer and fewer posts on our family blog (which, because Martin never gets on here, is really my blog) and the fact that poor Zoe and Sofya has gone to the wayside (though, feel free to blame Whitney on that one too, she hasn't blogged for months, that's right CALLING YOU OUT! :) However, be looking for a post on Zoe sometime today too! The song says, "Groove is in the Heart," and I really believe that's true. If your heart isn't in it, then it's not going to be as good without it!

So, a few updates on life and then some inspiring thoughts for a Sunday morning.

Updates:
Martin and I have officially changed churches. We had been thinking about this move for a while, it really isn't a reflection of our last church, just for me working through ordination, and Martin looking for a place that he really fit, we thought it would be better if we found a church that we could get behind and support, and one that was reaching outward instead of inward. So, we have started going to church at Community of Faith UMC. It's a drive for us, but we don't really mind that. They have a Saturday night service that we enjoy going to and then we take the rest of the night for "date night." We go to dinner or watch a movie after worship and it is the best feeling. The other great thing is that we get our Sundays to really be a a "Sabbath" time. This is really important to me because when I was working in the church Sunday was crazy busy and I never got a chance to really sit down and enjoy the world God has given us. COF is really servant driven, and they have been very supportive of HOME, so that's always a plus to have my workplace and my place of worship working together to serve all God's children. One thing I really like about them is that they are very "Wesleyan," they state that faith is a journey, not a destination, and I really believe that. We don't just stop once we proclaim our faith, we continue to grow, or as Wesley would have said, "continue on to perfection."

Inspiration:
Last night the sermon was about problems coming with growth. The sermon was more about growth in the church and the need for people to step in and help fill the needs of the congregation, but I saw it a little different. There has been a lot of growth happening in my life, and I have been just chugging along, not really focusing on anything. It's been forever since I have had regular devotional time (quiet time) and even longer since I sat down and wrote for myself (like this).

So, my new goal is to be more productive. If I can get back to starting my day focusing on myself, and who God wants me to be, and end my day in devotion and prayer time, then the "me" in the middle will be a more productive, peaceful being. I plan to write more, reflect more, and spend some time being still and knowing that God is real and powerful in my life. This is always an underlying thought for me, but I want to put it back front and center. I'd like to say that weight loss and taking care of my body will come with this, and I really hope it does, but I've made too many failed proclamations to say it again.

So, I woke up inspired this morning. Inspired to do all the work that's sitting on my To-Do list (personal, professional, and for friends). Inspired to remember that God is the time-keeper, and do things in his time and not mine. Inspired to go for more walks, and run a few more 5ks. Inspired to be more positive at work. Inspired to be a better wife to my husband (I cooked breakfast for him today, see already on a roll!) I want to inspire others, and get back to the place where Jesus shines on my face like the morning sun. So, pray for me, send positive energy my way, and get inspired too! If we are all inspired to be better people, then we will see a better world!

Quick Update

Is it possible that it is almost June? I can't believe it! Things have been moving along really fast! I honestly can't remember March and April was so busy that it went by in a HUGE blur!

Update:
• Martin & I have booked our trip to Las Vegas and plan to go over our 5 year anniversary on July 24. We also plan to drive over to the Grand Canyon.
• I have finished all my classes for this semester and it looks like I will have a 4.0, however, there is a small chance of a B in Church History, and I care not!
• I decided not to take any classes this summer because I want to focus a little more on Martin and I and being together as a family. I feel like the last few months were such a blur, and I missed just hanging out!
• Work is still going great, May was still pretty busy, but it's slowed down a bit now and I've had time to focus on some of the "small" things that get pushed aside while planning events!
• June 4 Martin and I will celebrate 9 years together as a couple ... that's a long time! :)
• We went to visit Whitney and Graham (and Annie briefly) this weekend and had a great time. However, I weighed when I got home and saw on the scale the weight that I have never seen before ... so, back to yo-you dieting myself down to the place where I am still fat, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror.
• Martin and I ran our first 5k in late April, and had a great time! We haven't signed up to do another yet, but plan to. I need to get us on a real running schedule, but to do that I have to stop scheduling meetings after 6 p.m.

That's about it for now. Sorry it's been so long, and really, I know this wasn't the most informative blog, but I promise I will try to blog a lot more in the next few months!