Right now, in this moment. I hate school. I know it won't last. But right now, I'm so over it. I know I have one semester left of this and then I'm finished with what I'm "required" to take, but I'm so so tired. You see, I actually love to learn, but this semester has been hell on me since getting pregnant. I would not change being pregnant for the world (and there is good news on down after this complaining session), but I am way too tired to work full-time and do school online at night and give both 100%. I'm going to make a "B" in my favorite class of the semester. Mostly because I didn't have time to banter stupidly with other classmates on the online post, if I fail the paper I just wrote, I'm going to make a "C." Which, you know, whatever. It's graduate school, getting a "B" or a "C" is not the end of the world, the issue here is that I COULD have made an "A," and pretty easily if I could have just stayed awake a few more nights and pushed through. But, I didn't. I'll probably make an "A" in my other two classes, so it's not like I'm flunking out or anything, I'm just annoyed with myself right now because I have two papers left to write and really, I'm just so FREAKIN' over it!
Okay ... want some happy news? I've been able to feel the baby move. I know this is an INCREDIBLE blessing because most people don't feel this until like 20 weeks for their first pregnancy, but I guess I'm just aware. I've only felt the baby move twice, once when I was listening to "Here Comes the Sun," by the Beatles, I felt a little flutter in my tummy twice in a row, so I knew that was my kid. However, the second time was a funny. I was listening to Jay-Z in the car and the bass came on and it scared my kid to death! I could feel it totally freaking out! I felt a little guilty, but overall I just laughed out loud for like 10 minutes. Oddly enough, as I write this the baby is kicking the crap out of me, as I started the paragraph there was nothing and then patter, patter! : ) I have a very active little one!
Okay, that's the update for now. Christmas in a week! Yay! I'm ready for a couple days off work where I don't have to think too much. I'm ready for this semester to be over with so that I don't have to think at ALL about that! Thanks for letting me vent, I just needed to get my feelings out there and into the open air. Two more papers to write and I'll be finished with this semester, whatever grades I get, I get. At least I know that I always have one Master's to fall back on to pretend that I'm smart!
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4 comments:
Derek used to kick me all the dang time. I swear he used my ribs as a swingset.
I want to quote your post in my blog. It can?
And you et an account on Twitter?
I really don't mind if you quote me, BUT ... I need to know where you will be posting it and in what context. Thanks!
Hey Mary. I just read this post. I know, it is very hard working and being ambitious and not being able to give everything your all as you usually would. That's what I am dealing with, anyway. Inadequacy! Oh well. Here we are.
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