"Born a poor young country boy — Mother Nature's son. All day long I'm sitting singing songs for everyone. Sit beside a mountain stream — see her waters rise. Listen to the pretty sound of music as she flies. Find me in my field of grass — Mother Nature's son. Swaying daises sing a lazy song beneath the sun. Mother Nature's son." — Mother Nature's Son, The Beatles
He's so curious, this son of mine. Busy, busy, busy as he crawls around the room, pulling books from the bottom shelf one at a time. It's as if he's asking, "And what's this Mommy?" As he flips the pages and crinkles the words he isn't able to read yet.
This passion in his eyes. Passion I recognize from my own heart, being played out in a child that looks like his father but acts so much like his mother. His Daddy worries that he's too hyper ... this makes me laugh. Apparently the husband never noticed how curious his wife can be!
I can't wait to take him more places to explore. This weekend we went to a small community (Winter Park) in downtown Orlando. He loved it. I wore him in my wrap and people smiled and waved and talked to him. He's loves being on the same level. The stroller is nice, but when it's just us walking around I love the feel of him heavy on my back and shoulders, reminds me of the long nine months I spent carrying him just so that he could arrive and I could carry him some more. It's been nine more months since the day he was born and I'd carry him forever if I could.
But, he is growing and won't stop. He's standing now and letting go just long enough to know that he can. Walking is not far away now. I can see it in those eyes. Just one step Mommy. Then one more. Until the day will come when the curiosity will win and those two steps will turn to five, ten, until he's off ... pulling the books from the top shelf down to explore the pages that before long he won't need me to read to him.
"There's nothing you can do that can't be done.Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the gameIt's easy.There's nothing you can make that can't be made.No one you can save that can't be saved.Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be youin time - It's easy." All You Need is Love -- The Beatles
His smile is contagious! Every time I look at him he's grinning ear to ear. I stop, stare for a minute ... he starts to laugh. This is the joy of my baby boy. This is the one who makes my world go 'round. Maybe I've made some mistakes in the past, worked too long of hours at work, didn't prioritize enough to get home before his bedtime ... but he doesn't care. He just smiles and smiles and smiles. Because Mommy is home.
He reaches for me now, when he's smiling and when he's crying. It's such a weird feeling, this feeling of being needed, wanted, by someone so small and so precious. His love stretching out in little arms and little waving fingers as he stares up at me with blue eyes as deep as the ocean that I haven't had the chance to take him to yet.
He's growing like a weed, I can't keep up with him. One minute he rolls over, the next he's crawling. He stops and sits and claps for himself, because Mommy and Daddy have taught him that he has done good. He is good.
I can't imagine a day without him. I cry sometimes because I don't want to leave him. He is mine. It is no doubt that I am his.
I am Mommy, Mama, Mom, one day he'll learn that I am also wife, daughter, aunt, sister, manager, Mary.
But today, when I go to pick him up, I will be Mommy and I will be rewarded with a smile.
"In a couple of years they have built a home sweet home, With a couple of kids running in the yard, Of Desmond and Molly Jones ... Happy ever after in the market place ... Molly lets the children lend a hand ... Desmond stays at home and does his pretty face ... And in the evening she's a singer with the band ... Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! ... Lala how the life goes on ... Ob-la-di, ob-la-da, life goes on, brah! ... Lala how the life goes on."
I know I haven't blogged in a while but hopefully this video will recap the past few months! We have had such an amazing year and I am so thankful for all the gifts God has blessed us with in 2010! Here's to an amazing 2011! (I'll try to do better at updating in this next year!)
"Take good care of my baby, be just as kind as you can be!" -- Take Good Care of My Baby, The Beatles
So, after 12 wonderful weeks home with my baby I went back to work on Monday. Boy! Was that hard! After finishing college and all that good stuff I didn't think I would ever want to be a stay at home Mom, but really I think I could do it. Too bad our budget would never allow that, so I'll just keep plugging away (thankfully I enjoy my job so it's not totally bad!)
I've got a great schedule that seems to be working out, I will get to spend Fridays with Jude so that's pretty amazing. I'm also able to leave for lunch and visit him at the babysitters (which is a GREAT friend of mine who is doing a wonderful job with him). This works out well because I, at least, get to nurse him once during the day so that keeps him and my supply happy. I know that I couldn't be more lucky with this arrangement and I realize that it's a blessing. But to do this I am pulling 10 hour days at work (with the lunch break) which makes me very tired. It also means that I have to be UP at 5 a.m., which I am not that much of a morning person! It also means that Jude has to get up early too, which means he sleeps more at night which is good, but also bad because I'm not getting to spend very much play time with him. I'm hoping that having the Fridays with him will make up for that though.
I am tired though! I hope that my body will get used to this new routine and I will be able to handle it as the weeks go on. But the good news is I have a few vacations coming up so those will be fun to anticipate and look forward to.
Development wise, Jude is doing really really well! He is growing stronger and stronger, he likes tummy time most of the time and is ALREADY trying to get up on his knees, way too soon if you ask me! He also enjoys staring at himself in the mirror, and playing with his Daddy. He busts the biggest smiles now and any day now I know he will be laughing (he's trying really hard!) He also squeals and coos when playing (which you might have seen on the video!) On the breastfeeding front things have been going very well. We have finally gotten all that under control and though I still count it as one of the hardest things I've ever had to figure out how to do, I'm glad that I did! We have a doctor's appointment next week and as always I'm nervous about his weight. But, I know it will be all right!
As for me I've been trying to get some of this pregnancy weight off (and pre-pregnancy weight!) and have been doing Weight Watchers. I love the WW plan because it has a special plan for nursing mothers. I've lost about 5 lbs, not too shabby but I need to get off much much more!
On the picture front there are some July photos here, but nothing too recent. I'll get on taking some more photos in the next few weeks and posting. Also our friend Rose is going to do family photos for us soon, so I'm REALLY looking forward to that!
My Little Sleeping Angel!
One of our first smiles (July 27, 2010)
In his fourth of July gear!
Jude LOVES his playgym!
He also loves playing "patty-cake" with Daddy
And looking at himself in mirrors! :)
Another playgym, I love to watch him stare down the rocket and then hit it!
"Lady Madonna, baby at your breast, Wonders how you manage to feed the rest!" -- The Beatles
This is one of those posts that if you aren't into TMI, I'd stop reading now. It's all about breastfeeding and the ups and downs that come along with it. First all, I don't care what the La Leache league says, breastfeeding is hard (not that they don't acknowledge that, it's just you don't hear it enough). Now, there may be women out there who had it easy but for Jude and I it has been one thing after another. However, I REALLY wanted to breastfeed my kid so even though it's not easy I've been working really hard to make it happen. I don't even know where to begin. But I somehow wanted to blog about this because it's been such a huge deal for us to get through (and we aren't through it all yet!).
I realize that Jude and I had some upsets at the beginning, he lost weight, we had to do formula for a while, then he didn't gain enough still and then I had to do MORE formula and each time I was on the urge of just quitting. But, I was still making BM so I didn't want to stop because I felt like, "If I'm making it, he should be getting it." I've had long talks with my doctor, I've cried to my husband, and I spent $150 on a Lactation Consultant to reteach me how to breastfeed my kid. Can I say that it's worth it? I don't know yet.
People are SO passionate about breastfeeding. Last weekend I took Jude out with us to Macaroni Grill and went to change him in the bathroom. As I was wiping my kid's butt some random woman comes up to me and asks if I'm breastfeeding. This is when I was doing formula with Jude because we were still working on weight gain and so I said, "We are working on it." Then this random woman, without knowing jack about my situation informs me that "You should breastfeed, even if it hurts." Okay, problem #1 with this statement -- Breastfeeding shouldn't hurt. If it hurts you are doing something wrong. Problem #2 with this statement -- Who the hell are you to tell me what to do with my child? Are you my pediatrician, are you his mother? If I want to give my kid formula then that's my decision, and really none of your business what I do. Even though I am pro breastfeeding I would NEVER inform a random stranger what they should do with their kid. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? It was almost enough to make me NOT try breastfeeding again after I got the go-ahead from my doctor to do so.
Here's something else about breastfeeding. It's time consuming. Let me tell you, making a bottle is so much easier for several reasons. Reason #1 -- it takes two minutes to make a bottle, for me to breastfeed it's a big production, I have to get the boppy ready, I need to get the nipple shield (which helps me breastfeed Jude because my breasts are a bit "inefficient"), I have to get Jude positioned just right and then constantly keep him awake to get him to nurse for 30 minutes on each side. With a bottle he can have it down in about 15 minutes (3 ozs no less, with me it takes almost an hour to get 2 ozs in him!) Reason #2 -- You know how much your kid is eating. Because I am so paranoid about Jude's intake I worry about how much he eats when bf-ing. Currently I have rented a scale from my lactation consultant that I can weigh him before and after so that I can be sure he's had enough. But, I have to give that scale back tomorrow and I'm a bit nervous about it because I'm SO scared he will lose weight again. I don't trust my instincts as much when it comes to nursing, so the bottle calms my nerves a bit. Reason #3 -- Pumping is time consuming too. Not only do you have to nurse but afterwards it's good to pump for 10 minutes, or if I chose to give Jude a bottle of expressed milk, I have to pump to make up for the lack of nursing session and keep my supply up.
Now, I don't want to discourage anyone out there to not breastfeed. I'm still doing it even though it overwhelms me because I feel like it's the right thing to do for my kid. However, I don't think people are completely honest about the challenges of breastfeeding when you read about it in books and on the internet. Everyone makes it seem like everything will just come naturally and you and your kid will be totally satisfied. This IS not the case for everyone. I think it's good for people to know that breastfeeding can come with all kinds of problems. Problems they don't tell you about in the books, problems they don't talk about on the internet unless you REALLY search for it. However, I have found one place of support, Kellymom.com. This site has been amazing on resources for breastfeeding and all the problems that can come along.
I know this is a decision that is deeply personal with each mother and breast or bottle, every kid is going to grow up just fine! I think sometimes we forget that when reading all this stuff and talking to others. I'm not going to judge anyone for not breastfeeding their kid. And, I'm going to be jealous of those mothers that breastfeeding came easy to, trust me it doesn't work like that for everyone! I wanted to breastfeed, and with A LOT of work, I have been able to do so. But, did I give my kid 2 ozs of formula last night because he was fussy and I was stressed and scared? YES! Am I ashamed of that decision? NO! If anything, with this blog post I just want people to feel supported if they are struggling with breastfeeding and to let them know that you are not alone! I have felt so alone in this process because there were very few people who understood what I was going through. Thankfully I have a core group of friends that I was able to share these feelings with and knew it was a "no judgment zone!" I needed that and I thank them for reading my weepy e-mails and listening to me cry over the phone! My husband has been super supportive, even though I think he feels going to formula would be easier, he understands this is important to me so he has worked really hard to support me.
So, there's my rant about breastfeeding. I'm going for it! It's not easy, and I'm not even sure at this point if I can tell you if it's worth it or not. But, it's what feels right for us right now ... who knows what tomorrow will bring! :)
So, it's been about a year since I changed the domain name of this blog and it's time to change it again! The blog is going to go more about parenting and Jude and all that fun stuff so I wanted to do something a little more in that direction. So, the blog has a new name and domain (www.watchingrainbow.com). If you are using google reader you shouldn't have to update your reader if you had the blog subscribed as martinandmarydowney.blogspot.com. If you read from Facebook you shouldn't have to do anything.
One of the things I would like to do is use a Beatles song for each post. Most of you know we are huge Beatles fans, and I plan to at least if it involves Jude, to have a Beatles song as the name of the post -- including this one. Here is a rare recording of the Beatles song "Watching Rainbows."
So, where to begin for the past week? It's been craziness to be sure. Jude is such a good little baby he hardly ever cries and I am so blessed to have such a mild-mannered kid. But, the last few days have been a bit trying for us anyway. You see Jude got a bad case of jaundice and we didn't realize it until Tuesday because of the holiday on Monday. I know that a lot of babies get jaundice but it hit me really hard because his main problem was that he wasn't getting enough calories from my breastmilk so he was really concentrated with bilirubin (a natural chemical that is broken down by the liver, but babies livers aren't strong enough yet and so they can get jaundice if too much is in their bodies). We had a whirlwind of a few days of feeding him breastmilk every two hours and when that didn't work because he was still losing weight we moved to formula every two hours. Most of the time doctors make you put the baby in the hospital or have you place the baby in sunlight, but Jude's problem was more with eating, he HAD to gain weight! He was really weak and of course I felt horrible because I didn't figure out that breastfeeding him wasn't giving him enough fat and calories to make him gain weight. As of Thursday he had gained back some weight (but still not to his birth weight, he's close though) and last night we were told we can give him formula and then breastmilk that I had been pumping the last few days. The whole experience was heartbreaking and we got very little sleep. I had a little breakdown on Wednesday night (probably from lack of sleep and the stress of it all) and basically Mom and Martin forced me to go to sleep. I literally had to cry myself to sleep because I was so worried. However, he's doing amazingly better and will be going back to the doctor on Monday. I hate that I have to wait a day and a half to get his next test results, I wish doctor's offices were open on the weekend!
I can tell Jude is feeling much better though because we can get him to eat more now without having to force it down his throat! I'm doing much better because I see that my boy is growing healthy and strong again! Mom goes home to Arkansas today and I can't even say how blessed we have had to have her help! I don't think I could have gotten through the last few days without her here pushing me and helping me! I've got some really big shoes to fill when it comes to being a Mama.
In other news yesterday (June 4, 2010) marked the dating anniversary of Martin and I! We have been a couple for 9 years now! It's amazing to see how the time flies! When we started out we would have never thought that 9 years later we would have a sweet little baby boy, but I tell you what, I couldn't imagine my life any other way! It's been an amazing 9 years with the love of my life, and I can't wait for 70 or so more years! :)
So that's it for now. Martin and I have been trying to get a photo a day of Jude but we missed one the day that he was the sickest because it was not (obviously) our top priority. We have already gotten back into the habit so I have photos to show off!
I wanted to start early on story-time. Jude loved hearing his Daddy's voice read to him!
Jude is really going to miss his Memaw when she goes home!
Jude's first visit to Pure Magic, the best ice cream on Earth! I can't wait until he gets to try some himself!
Sawyer is still getting to know Jude.
Wooooo Piiiiiiiggggg Sooooooooie!
This outfit came from Jude's Grammy (Martin's Mom). It was the first outfit bought for him!
I'm neurotic and try to theme Jude all day, so if he starts in outerspace wear, he ends in it. Here's his rocket ship pajamas!
Today's theme? Dinosaurs. : ) Martin and Jude love to snuggle together, it's too sweet!
"Born a poor young country boy — Mother Nature's son. All day long I'm sitting singing songs for everyone. Sit beside a mountain stream — see her waters rise. Listen to the pretty sound of music as she flies. Find me in my field of grass — Mother Nature's son. Swaying daises sing a lazy song beneath the sun. Mother Nature's son."
is love stretching out in little arms and little waving fingers as he stares up at me with blue eyes as deep as the ocean that I haven't had the chance to take him to yet.
He also loves playing "patty-cake" with Daddy
Bath time!
"I'm thinking ..."
Jude's first visit to Home Depot
Landon (Annie A's little one, and Jude)
Chillin' on the Boppy.
My boys hanging out for tummy time.
More tummy time!
Of course! :)
I love hugs!
I wanted to start early on story-time. Jude loved hearing his Daddy's voice read to him! 
Jude is really going to miss his Memaw when she goes home! 
Jude's first visit to Pure Magic, the best ice cream on Earth! I can't wait until he gets to try some himself! 
Sawyer is still getting to know Jude. 
Wooooo Piiiiiiiggggg Sooooooooie! 
This outfit came from Jude's Grammy (Martin's Mom). It was the first outfit bought for him! 
I'm neurotic and try to theme Jude all day, so if he starts in outerspace wear, he ends in it. Here's his rocket ship pajamas! 
Today's theme? Dinosaurs. : ) Martin and Jude love to snuggle together, it's too sweet! 
