I'm a loser ... and not in a good way

No theme. No song. Just me admitting to you that I stepped off the wagon, BIG time.

Weight

I am steady at 192 .. I need to lose at least 40 lbs by next June, I'd really like to lose 50. I can not be fat in Hawaii. If I'd stayed on plan I'd only be about 20 lbs away by now ... but now I still have my big goal in front of me.

1/2 Marathon Training

I'm only running about once a week. However, I'm really proud of my progress there at least. I'm up to running (or jogging) without stopping for 25 minutes. That's most of a 5k for me, so that's pretty exciting. However, I've got to get going on the longer runs, I've only done 5 miles twice and by this point I need to be doing 7 or 8 miles total.

What Happened?

I don't want to make excuses but a lot of it is time related. Work has been busy, school is always looming in the background behind being a wife and mom. But, I know, in the end that none of those are really good enough reasons. I need to find a way to schedule my time better. I don't like to run with Jude in the jogging stroller because I'm too worried about him to focus on my stride, so I have to wait until Martin is home, the problem with that is that once we both make it home from work, it's well past dark ... We've talked about joining a 24 hour gym, and that may be the solution. I don't know how running on the treadmill will be against running outside. I wonder if it might be easier? I dunno.

Where I am

So, that's where I am. Where I was last time. I've got nothing but the hope that I counted my points yesterday, and, even though I've been terrible for the last month, I pretty much started back this week at 2 lbs up from where I was when I fell off (at one point I was 7 lbs up, so I'm thankful I was able to get that in check!) I'll update next week with my graphic and theme and all that fun stuff, but for now, here's me, admitting that I've failed. And I want to do better.

(In other news Jude is now 18 months. I'm waiting on the 18 month photos we did on Sunday to be finished and then I'll blog about how amazing he is and all the wonderful things he does! I love being his mommy!)

Hawaii 5-0 Week 3 & 4

I'm too tired to find a Beatles song ... I had one then realized I'd just used it. You get the point. :)


Sorry I let you all down last week and didn't get around to posting an update. I guess that's why I decided to stay the same for this week (so I lost 1.4 last week). Yeah, me not posting had nothing to do with the fact that last week I tracked horribly, only ran once, and ate Wendy's, I believe, 3 times.

I let myself down. Thankfully, I fixed it enough to not have a gain and I'm back on the right track again today. I know these ups and downs are going to happen, but I've got to be super on track this week because this is wrapping up my first month of losing weight again and I'm only down 3.8 lbs for the last three weeks. That's less than two pounds a week and that's not going to cut it if I'm going to make it through vacation, holidays, and birthdays!

Last week I let myself down. This week, I'm just going to pick myself up and just keep going.

In other news, I've fallen IN LOVE with Pinterest. It's an amazing little website and it's got me super motivated all over the place!

Peace out everyone! I WILL BE SKINNY IN HAWAII *or you know, healthy. :)

I'm Looking Through You (Hawaii 5-0 Week 2)

"I'm looking through you, where did you go
I thought I knew you, what did I know
You don't look different, but you have changed
I'm looking through you, you're not the same"
-- I'm Looking Through You, The Beatles



Well, this was a pretty good week for the challenge! As you can see by the graphic I lost 2.4 pounds this week, and that is with going to North Carolina for a Labor Day weekend trip to see friends.

I have to say I'm really proud of myself. I managed to also get my three runs in and so I'm on track for training for the 1/2 Marathon.

For this post I decided to use the lyrics from "I'm Looking Through You" because I really do feel like this time, I've really changed. I actually feel GOOD about trying to lose weight and exercising. It just seems that my mindset has totally changed and now I'm in a place where I know that I can am going to pull this off and lose for good! So, to motivate myself even further, I found a t-shirt that Martin's dad picked up for me in Hawaii right before I had Jude. By the time I got it, I was way to pregnant to even try it on! Then it didn't fit for a while after that! However, it fits now, even if it's a bit tight, and I've asked Martin to take my photo each week after my run to post here with me wearing it. It's just another graphic representation of letting you look through me and see that I have changed!

Thanks for taking the journey with me!

Hawaii 5-0 (Mom @ 15 Months Post-Partum)

She's so heavy. She's so heavy, heavy, heavy.
— I Want You (She's So Heavy), The Beatles

Here's the blog post that I really didn't want to write, but it needs to be done. So here it is: I'm fat. Or as The Beatles sang

"She's so HEAVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVV-Y."

I'd like to blame it all on getting pregnant and then the whole new mother, not paying attention, stuff that happens, but to be honest, I was fat before I got pregnant. I had let me weight creep up and up and up until when I did get pregnant I started out at an unhealthy weight. To be honest, it has been because I just didn't want to pay attention to it all. Since having Jude I have been wanting to lose all of the weight, but would get motivated and then lose motivation back and forth until I just ended up maintaining. So here's some background.

When I got pregnant with Jude I was 180. That's 40 lbs over my healthy weight range. At that point my thought was, "Well, I'm going to be pregnant soon, so why bother with trying to lose weight at this point." That probably wasn't the best plan. Then at my highest weight during pregnancy I got up to 226. So, not only was I 40 lbs overweight but the pregnancy added another 46 lbs to my body.

As you can imagine, I didn't feel that good. Right after having Jude I lost 20 lbs right off the bat. I nursed and I think that helped a lot and I think some of it was just natural lose from not carrying a kid around anymore! So, I sat at 206 for a while. Then I joined a weight loss group at my church, First Place for Health. I loved the group and the accountability that it gave me. I really looked forward to the meetings and sharing with one another. I lost another 22 lbs which got me down to 184. Then Martin and I decided not to do the class again for another 12 weeks, and I kept the weight off, but didn't lose anymore. That was at the end of May. Jude was now 1 years old, and I still wasn't even down to where I was before I got pregnant. I still had 4 lbs to go! So, I got a little discouraged and ended up gaining 10 lbs back over the summer. I had originally planned to do another First Place class, but my work schedule isn't allowing it, so really, now it's up to me to get motivated.

And that's where the Hawaii 5-0 Challenge comes in! In celebration of my 30th Birthday next year Martin and I are planning on going to Hawaii! I've always wanted to go and we actually have a couple of really amazing friends who live there, so we not only get to see the island, but also spend time with some folks who we have missed greatly in the past two years! We plan to go next June and, as I told Martin, "No one wants to be fat in Hawaii!" I just keep thinking about Lilo and Stich and how Lilo went around and took pictures of fat people ... I don't want to be that person on the beach! So I've set the big goal for myself to lose at least 50 lbs before we go to Hawaii, but I also have some other goals to help pace myself. (Also, I was insanely motivated by Whit over here!)

1. Lose 15 lbs by Nov. 2011 and have completed the Couch to 5k program. I've actually been doing the Couch to 5k program for the last few weeks, and I'm just now on week 3, so this gives me time to miss a few days because of rain and laziness but still get it done by my first goal date. In conjunction to the running program I want to have at least 15 lbs off.

2. Lose 40 lbs by Feb. 2012 and complete the Disney Princess 1/2 Marathon. If I lose 2 lbs a week until February I will actually be very close to goal, but I also know that Thanksgiving and Christmas is going to be in the mix, so I want to be realistic with myself and know that I could possibly mess up. As for the 1/2 Marathon I will have to really push myself from November to February but I know I can do it. I'm not looking to do anything record breaking at the event, but I at least want to run some of it. I did the Disney Wine & Dine 10k when I was 8 weeks pregnant with Jude and completed it, so I have no doubt that even at this point I could finish the race, but I want to do more than just finish, I want to be somewhere in the middle, instead of afraid the slow-poke bus is going to pick me up!

3. Lose at least 50 lbs by June 2012 and go to Hawaii! Like I said, if I'm really diligent I can probably lose the 50 way before June. If this happens, we will look at my goals and see how I feel. In all honesty I could probably lose 60-70 lbs which would get me somewhere around 120-130. But, I haven't seen those numbers since High School, and when I was 115-120 it was when I had been to Drum Corp and was working out 14 hours a day, so let's be real here. I think 143, for now, is a great goal weight. It's the number I'm working towards, and it's a weight that I would be happy with in Hawaii. We will be booking our trip probably in January and at that time I will be able to access if I'm really on track (hopefully, I will be WAY on track!)

My plan is to update you weekly on my progress ... so if you aren't interested in my progress if you see the Hawaii 5-0 logo, then you know to skip this blog! And, if you don't hear from me each week ... CALL ME OUT! If I'm not updating that means that I've fallen off the wagon and I need my friends to tell me to get back on it! :) I will also update on Jude (which we have a doctor's appointment today, so be looking for a Jude essay sometime this week) but I wanted to use the space that I already had on the net to update my progress instead of getting a new blog. And really, Hawaii is like the land of rainbows ... so what better way to Watch for Rainbows than from my healthy (skinny) self on Waikiki Beach?

Take Good Care of My Baby (or Jude @ 12 weeks)

"Take good care of my baby, be just as kind as you can be!"
-- Take Good Care of My Baby, The Beatles

So, after 12 wonderful weeks home with my baby I went back to work on Monday. Boy! Was that hard! After finishing college and all that good stuff I didn't think I would ever want to be a stay at home Mom, but really I think I could do it. Too bad our budget would never allow that, so I'll just keep plugging away (thankfully I enjoy my job so it's not totally bad!)

I've got a great schedule that seems to be working out, I will get to spend Fridays with Jude so that's pretty amazing. I'm also able to leave for lunch and visit him at the babysitters (which is a GREAT friend of mine who is doing a wonderful job with him). This works out well because I, at least, get to nurse him once during the day so that keeps him and my supply happy. I know that I couldn't be more lucky with this arrangement and I realize that it's a blessing. But to do this I am pulling 10 hour days at work (with the lunch break) which makes me very tired. It also means that I have to be UP at 5 a.m., which I am not that much of a morning person! It also means that Jude has to get up early too, which means he sleeps more at night which is good, but also bad because I'm not getting to spend very much play time with him. I'm hoping that having the Fridays with him will make up for that though.

I am tired though! I hope that my body will get used to this new routine and I will be able to handle it as the weeks go on. But the good news is I have a few vacations coming up so those will be fun to anticipate and look forward to.

Development wise, Jude is doing really really well! He is growing stronger and stronger, he likes tummy time most of the time and is ALREADY trying to get up on his knees, way too soon if you ask me! He also enjoys staring at himself in the mirror, and playing with his Daddy. He busts the biggest smiles now and any day now I know he will be laughing (he's trying really hard!) He also squeals and coos when playing (which you might have seen on the video!) On the breastfeeding front things have been going very well. We have finally gotten all that under control and though I still count it as one of the hardest things I've ever had to figure out how to do, I'm glad that I did! We have a doctor's appointment next week and as always I'm nervous about his weight. But, I know it will be all right!

As for me I've been trying to get some of this pregnancy weight off (and pre-pregnancy weight!) and have been doing Weight Watchers. I love the WW plan because it has a special plan for nursing mothers. I've lost about 5 lbs, not too shabby but I need to get off much much more!

On the picture front there are some July photos here, but nothing too recent. I'll get on taking some more photos in the next few weeks and posting. Also our friend Rose is going to do family photos for us soon, so I'm REALLY looking forward to that!

My Little Sleeping Angel!

One of our first smiles (July 27, 2010)

In his fourth of July gear!

Jude LOVES his playgym!

He also loves playing "patty-cake" with Daddy

And looking at himself in mirrors! :)

Another playgym, I love to watch him stare down the rocket and then hit it!

My pretty blue-eyed boy!

The Weekend is my Enemy

I've been on the wagon now for two weeks. That's right, I'm in a 12-step program ... for food. I'm back on Weight Watchers again after a short break from the "dieting" scene. Back in June, I decided that I wasn't going to worry too much about my weight. I figured, hey, I'm going to be pregnant soon, so no need to be watching my weight. I thought that I could just blame any weight gain on my baby bump, and not my eating habits.

Guess what happens when you take on this mindset and don't get pregnant? You gain 15 pounds. That's right, 15. I already weighed more than I would like, but I didn't figure I would gain that much, especially since I was going to be all fat and pregnant. Well, thanks to my overactive cycle and under-active metabolism I am neither pregnant nor skinny. I am now 45 pounds overweight.

So, once I realized that this baby thing wasn't going to go the way I wanted, I decided I better at least get these extra 15 pounds off before 200 starts staring at me from the scale. So, I've changed my habits yet again. I am dedicated to exercising at least 20 minutes a day for five days a week, eating within my weight watchers points, and taking care of myself by writing, reading, and relaxing in my down-time. All of this can tend to be a bit difficult with a busy work schedule, but I'm at the point where I'm over it. And that's usually the point where I become the most successful.

It's interesting that other things in my life seem to go so well for me. Career wise I'm right where I want to be (tomorrow marks one year at my AMAZING job, and it came with a new title and promotion, Deputy Director), I enjoy freelance writing for the Florida UMC conference, and ordination is moving at a steady pace. Marriage wise I couldn't be more blessed. My husband is caring, supportive, and loving, I'm lucky to have him. But, with all the good things, I just can't seem to get "healthy" with myself. I find that the weekends are my worst enemy. All week I count points and do really well, but when Friday night gets here, I loose the obsession and eat whatever I like. This attitude continues on Saturday and by Sunday I am disgusted with myself. Lucky for me I didn't give up last week when I fell in the weekend trap (I lost 3 lbs) and I was able to get back on track this week (weigh day is tomorrow). But, I would do so much better on my weight loss and exercise if I wouldn't let Friday and Saturday get in my way.

So, my goal this week is to be READY for Friday. I will write down everything I put into my body over the weekend, I know I can do this because I do it all week. I will continue my morning prayer and Bible time, I will continue exercising and I hope to do a practice 10k this weekend.

I'm back on the wagon ... let's hope I don't fall of. If I do, just go ahead and let it run over me please.

Quick Update

Is it possible that it is almost June? I can't believe it! Things have been moving along really fast! I honestly can't remember March and April was so busy that it went by in a HUGE blur!

Update:
• Martin & I have booked our trip to Las Vegas and plan to go over our 5 year anniversary on July 24. We also plan to drive over to the Grand Canyon.
• I have finished all my classes for this semester and it looks like I will have a 4.0, however, there is a small chance of a B in Church History, and I care not!
• I decided not to take any classes this summer because I want to focus a little more on Martin and I and being together as a family. I feel like the last few months were such a blur, and I missed just hanging out!
• Work is still going great, May was still pretty busy, but it's slowed down a bit now and I've had time to focus on some of the "small" things that get pushed aside while planning events!
• June 4 Martin and I will celebrate 9 years together as a couple ... that's a long time! :)
• We went to visit Whitney and Graham (and Annie briefly) this weekend and had a great time. However, I weighed when I got home and saw on the scale the weight that I have never seen before ... so, back to yo-you dieting myself down to the place where I am still fat, but at least I can look at myself in the mirror.
• Martin and I ran our first 5k in late April, and had a great time! We haven't signed up to do another yet, but plan to. I need to get us on a real running schedule, but to do that I have to stop scheduling meetings after 6 p.m.

That's about it for now. Sorry it's been so long, and really, I know this wasn't the most informative blog, but I promise I will try to blog a lot more in the next few months!

Puppies & Babies

My Poor Puppy
We had a pretty scary weekend at the Downey household. As most of you know we got Sawyer about a year ago, Mom got him for us for Christmas. Since we don't have kids yet, Sawyer gets a lot of our attention and most of the time he is a pretty good dog (he has a few issues, eating toilet tissue, nipping our legs when he wants to play). So, we knew something was up with him when he got up on Saturday morning and didn't want to play. At about 4 a.m. Saturday morning he asked to go outside, I didn't think much about it, sometimes he gets up REALLY early, so I didn't pay attention to what was going on while he was doing his business. By 7 a.m. he was still laying around the house and not wanting to play at all. That's when he started throwing up. We called the vet around 11 a.m. because he was having issues from both ends, and we really didn't know what to do with him. They said to keep an eye on him and take him to the emergency vet if he got worse ... he got worse. We took him into the emergency vet and they taught us a very important lesson. Since Sawyer wasn't eating or drinking, we thought, just like a child, that he was getting dehydrated, so we encouraged him to suck on some ice chips. This was the wrong thing to do, apparently dogs make themselves throw up even more if they get more liquid in their bodies, so we were only making to problem worse. The vet inserted a disolvable IV pouch in Sawyer's back and gave him two shots and sent us home with some pills to stop the vommitting and coat his stomach. We stayed home with him all day Sunday to make sure he was doing better, and he had a few issues, but I could tell he was getting better. He seems fine today, we are supposed to keep giving him his medicine and feeding him small meals, but he was wanting to play this morning, so that's a really good sign. The whole ordeal really made me think about how important Sawyer has become to Martin and I. Sawyer has made us a little family. He is fun, sweet, and makes us laugh at least three times a day. I wanted a small dog because they live longer, and I wanted to make sure that he was going to be around for the long haul. Those of you who don't have a family pet may not understand, I wouldn't go as far as seeing Sawyer like a child, but he is this small little being that relies on us to take care of him. Sawyer needs us to feed him, make sure he has water, take him out to potty, and provide a warm place for him to rest. When he was sick, I felt like how I would imagine a newborn's mother would have felt ... he can't talk to me, he can't tell me what's wrong, all I know is that something IS wrong and he's relying on me to make it all better. Martin made the comment at the vet that we better make sure to get a dang good insurance plan for our kids when we have them, because if this is how we are going to be with the dog, then imagine how it's going to be with a baby. I don't worry too much about that though, I've been around babies, I am pretty good at figuring out what they need ... dogs on the other hand I'm still learning!

In other news
Martin and I have been going strong on Weight Watchers. I'm really proud of us. Ususally on a diet we make it about three weeks and then give up. So ... we just passed the three week mark. Pray for us that we can keep this going, I had a moment of weakness this week and wanted nachos like the world had ended! I looked up my favorite nachos and found out that they are 107 WW points. Those of you who do WW know that's almost a full week of points in one meal! Last night I made my own version of nachos for a mere 14 points ... and amazingly it filled the spot (thanks to Cara for forcing me to rethink my options and dragging ME to the gym! ;)! Keep us in your thoughts as we continue this journey. I would like to be at our goal weight by June when we go to Las Vegas. We've been thinking a lot about the right time to have kids, and I want to make sure I am healthy when that happens. I've been wavering lately about when that might be. I have had a pretty strong case of baby fever (thanks in part to Cara and Stephanie being so cute and pregnant at the office) but the last few weeks I've noticed that wain a little. I know things will be great when we have kids, but lately I've been thinking about a lot of things that I would still like to do with Martin before we change our life! We'll see how I feel after those cute little boys are born at the office and I see how sweet a baby is again, but right now, I think I'll stick to being a mama to a sweet little boy named Sawyer Pup!